Growing up, "upward and onward" seemed to be the credo of most of my fellow Californians. Our neighbors and family friends were almost all recent immigrants to the state, moving west (or in some cases, east) to live on the Left Coast during those forward-looking 1950's and 60's.
Wait. That's not really true. My family only lived in California for eleven years, from 1951 to 1962, when we up and moved to D.C. so my dad could work in the Kennedy Administration. But we all so identified with our glorious L.A. and Palo Alto days that when we moved east, we all seemed to consider ourselves transplanted Californians. We all came back out west sooner or later.
In my case, the "later" was after I'd left Stanford and followed my heart and my boyfriend to Europe. Who knew I'd end up staying in Amsterdam for so long?
But today is a day for telling about what I returned to. The image of the US from Europe, at least my image formed through seeing my homeland pursuing a war of choice while living in a land relatively recently overrun and devastated by fascists in WWII, was a picture of a violent country with a self-image of always being Number One, the best, the most advanced.
So when I decided to become an ex-ex-patriate I was a bit apprehensive about whether I would fit in. Being welcomed to come live with Janet & Alva in Los Altos, CA meant coming to a place with good, strong roots. Alva's a third generation Californian and Janet had lived in her little house on West Portola Avenue since 1934. The house couldn't have been bigger than 900 square feet and looked as it had for many decades.
And then there was the garden and the orchards surrounding the house. White figs, black figs, persimmons, kumquats, loquats, limequats, oranges, pineapple guava and pomegranates! Janet and her husband, the renowned literary lion, Yvor Winters, had planted and tended every bush and tree. Alva and I had the little bedroom where Auden had stayed. I washed and Janet dried the dishes every night just as Nabokov had before me.
Janet Lewis was a novelist (The Wife of Martin Guerre) and a poet. Over the twenty years that Alva lived with Janet they collaborated on two operas and a couple of gorgeous song cycles. And Alva set a number of Janet's beautiful poems to music. One of my favorites that I'd like to share with you today, dear reader, is called Morning Devotion. This rendition is sung by Melanie Emelio with Louise Lofquist on piano.
Morning Devotion
What is my heart's desire?
Here as I sweep the floor
And shade the sunny window
With what is it I task me?
Of heaven what implore?
Life to maintain and to increase
And to surround with peace
Like an orchard in sun
Where all's activity,
Leaf, earth and weighted tree,
Yet all resolved in one, one
Airy tranquility.
And to maintain my soul
Content in this employ,
To bind despair and joy
Into a stable whole.
So day by day both house and spirit tending,
Feel all's complete at day's as at life's ending.