Although I usually look at my deep-seated optimism as something I was born with, like my green eyes and reddish hair, isn't a positive attitude something one can aim for and practice every day?
The old "Do what I say, not what I do" routine simply doesn't work. Whether the people you work and play with are adults or children, everyone is sensitive to others' expectations. Both individuals and groups tend to live up or down to their leader's expectations.
It's a bit tricky trying to describe a process that's become second nature, but let me try. When I direct a cast in a play or musical, when I meet a class of students I'll be teaching, and even when I'm speaking with a customer service rep on the phone, I tend to start out with a clear-yet-fluid image of possible good outcomes of our interactions. Positive visualization. And providing consistency, fairness, patience and love to the activities of the moment.
Regarding the people one is dealing with in a positive light requires getting out of one's own head and actually dealing with the person or people in front of you. To see, to notice, to reflect and to mobilize the energies in the room, the physicality and vocal qualities, the atmosphere and the level of intimacy, the emotional weather and the resistances of oneself and the other(s) is key.
People who seem inherently distrustful, critical and negative are just people who've attached (at least at that moment) to a fearful place, an ego that feels like it needs defending. Seeing the "mistake," the fault, the shortcoming, the failing before and even instead of the positive steps toward a positive goal is more a bad habit than, I believe, a basic orientation.
We're all at least somewhat insecure. Doesn't it make more sense to commit to setting forth on a project, in a class, on a vacation, or in a love affair with attractive goals and expectations? When I notice and reflect to you your moments of clarity, accomplishment and even brilliance, aren't you more able to experience your learning as your own?
If my "leading" becomes holding forth about something "people should know" instead of responding to the moment and modulating my leading toward effectiveness at that moment with this person or group, however they are manifesting, if I make it a "pouring my good stuff into your empty vessel," the interaction is reduced to its lowest common denominator. Unless you're in charge of a nest of hungry baby birds, the old "pouring out knowledge to hungry learners" model is DOA.
If you feel like a born pessimist, if you think of yourself as a curmudgeon, and even if you just got up on the wrong side of the bed, splash some cold water on your face and get over it. Or at least make some good faith efforts to overcome some bad habits. Sometimes giving oneself a therapeutic hug or pat on the back is a good enough start. But please, don't embrace negativity as a curse you were born with. Practice.
Notice the things that tend to "make you" cranky. Then imagine that thing, that person, that situation in a different way, from a different perspective. Make the shift, even briefly, in your imagination, and you'll gain some space. Space is good. Imagine you're, say, a bird sitting up high, looking down at you and your troubling moment. Pretend to find your joy and you just might transition to joyfulness. Be not only the leaf in the wind, be the wind, too.
Optimism doesn't preclude trouble and sorrow and pain. It does give you a broader repertoire with which to respond to whatever comes your way. If you can practice dribbling a ball, you can practice having one, too.
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